Straight From the Streets 2

Everyone gets a precious few years here on earth and then poof, we're gone forever. And while the debate continues to rage about what happens after we die, not many people are looking forward to finding out. Nobody likes to contemplate their own mortality, except maybe during those melodramatic teenage years full of "that would show 'em" suicide fantasies. But what if we took the whole subject just a little bit less seriously, and found humor in this depressing topic? We asked people on the streets of San Francisco how they thought they were going to bite the big one, and if there was a way to go laughing.

Julia Levya, 23: "The way I think I'm going to die is I'm going to be 90 and sky diving. The parachute (will) break and I'll smash into a million pieces with hip bones flying everywhere."

Michael Luong, 21: "Hopefully I see myself dying in my sleep; I don't want to be up for it. But if I died in a roller coaster crash that would be pretty funny."

Kristin Amber, 19: "I'll be pregnant and I'll crash in a car. All my life I've thought that would happen when I was 19...and I'm 19 now so I have the remainder of the year to fulfill that."

Glen Wilson, 32: "I see myself dying when I'm old and gray of natural causes. I hope not in a hail of bullets out here one day"

Vince Gaither, 43: "A friend of mine's brother had a car accident while he was getting head from his girlfriend. At that, uh...moment, he gunned the engine and ran into the back of a semi truck and chopped the top of his head off. But the girl lived. Her head was protected."

Charles Wagner, 30: "I think I'll die getting hit by a car, on my skateboard. But I'll be 50, bombing a hill in the Sunset and I'll just forget to time a light or something. Or my dreds will get caught (in the skateboard), That could happen."

Zeina Barkawi, 28: "I think I might die in a plane crash. I travel a lot and I think about that. Two psychics have told me I?m going to die when I'm 99. Hopefully it will be while I'm having sex, that would be pretty funny."

*originally published April 2006 [X]press Magazine

Everyone Has A Vice

Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It's been a really, really long time since my last confession. I have committed each of the seven deadly sins more times than I can count; wrath, pride, envy, gluttony, sloth, greed and lust. And just between us, I enjoyed every minute of it.

The Seven Deadly Sins were finalized into the vices that we know and love by Pope Gregory I in the late 6th century. Each sin had a corresponding virtue to counterbalance the nastiness. So if you were constantly green with envy and jonesing for your neighbor's stuff, be prepared to give up your worldly possessions to charity in hopes of making the Almighty happy.


Unfortunately, things that are bad for us are usually the most fun. I'm a sinner just like everyone else, possibly even more so. The following is my humble opinion of how the seven deadly sins are present in today's society.

Wrath: Disproportionate anger and feelings of revenge and hatred define wrath. Today we would just call that road rage. Anyone who has ever been cut off on the freeway by some idiot talking on a cell phone knows there is nothing disproportionate about wanting to take a baseball bat to the offender's car.

Pride: Pride consists of an "excessive love of self," and a belief that yes, you are in fact better than everyone else. In Medieval Times it was thought to be the worst sin of all because, in loving yourself to a perverted level, you loved God less. And what better example of placing yourself on a pedestal than the evil of Myspace? Millions of people have built themselves little digital shrines full of half-naked pictures taken in the bathroom mirror and completely self-indulgent blogs. Do they really think the rest of the world is waiting breathlessly to read their latest "all about me" survey?

Envy: Today envy can be seen as celebrity worship. MTV and VH1 are the leading offenders in this category. From "Cribs" to "The Fabulous Life of...", they've made bank exploiting our celebrity worship. Now we can sit at home all day long and wish we were the ones spending millions of dollars on dog clothes and private jets... instead of going out in the world and actually getting a job.

Gluttony: With 60 million super-sized individuals in America, I really don't think I have to explain the idea of gluttony. Though in this category I think stupidity should be added, particularly to those who sue fast food chains for making them fat. As far as I'm concerned, if our society needs a documentary to tell us it's unhealthy to eat fast food every day, we're all in trouble.

Sloth: Ah sloth, there's nothing better than kicking back and doing absolutely nothing all day. And reality TV has really helped us attain a new level of laziness. Why bother going outside, getting a job or having a relationship, when you can watch hundreds of other people do it? The Food Network is the same story; its entire appeal lies in watching other people cook amazing food then eat it themselves as we salivate. Come on, how many of you have actually taken notes then whipped up your very own cordon bleu complete with chocolate souffle?

Greed: The church defines greed as "a desire to gain more than one has need or use for, in money or power." Today all you need to do is look to the Donald himself as an example of seeking to gain more than any one person needs. I mean how rich is rich enough? With every gold-plated casino, apartment building and hotel, America's favorite hair club for men candidate taunts the rest of us with the fact that we will never be able to Trump his style.

Lust: Catholisism says lust is "obsessive, unlawful, or unnatural sexual desire, such as desiring sex with a person outside marriage or engaging in unnatural sexual appetites." Woohoo...sounds like a Friday night to me. Honestly considering how sexually permissive modern society is I'm having a hard time finding an of example of evil, lustful behavior. I'd say Paris Hilton, but was it just me or did she look really bored in that video? Lust really needs more passion. I'm going to go with the internet as a whole. The excess of websites trying to convince the public that it's alright for adults to have sex with children...and relatives, and animals, well it's pretty sickening.

*originally posted April 2006 [X]press Magazine
**photo by Ross Pearson